


close proximity

by taekemeaway (wanderingwanderlustwriter)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Modern Setting, Plot Twists, Romance, There's a wedding, also lots of crying, but also will rip out your heart, disgustingly cute at times, enough to be worth mentioning hnnngggghhh, i'm a mess in the tags if you made it this far you deserve a cookie, i've been told this shit hurts, implied sex, mentions of devil's lettuce, mingyu and wonwoo are good friends, not lots, reader and wonwoo are best friends, roommate au, several other members make an appearance, there is no pining, there is only cuteness, wow that's important, yes lots of implied sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 06:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19351756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingwanderlustwriter/pseuds/taekemeaway
Summary: when she first met mingyu, she didn’t know what to expect. she was desperate for a roommate, he needed a place to stay. they were exactly what the other needed, in more ways than one.





	close proximity

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello i wrote this over two days and i couldn't even think for the rest of the week. hope this was worth the struggle and i hope you all enjoy! find cross posted on tumblr, but why would you go to tumblr because that site is hell.

It was mornings like these that she had to remind herself to breathe. She was sitting at her vanity, Wonwoo was getting dressed behind her, everything seemed to be fine. Her hair was pinned back nicely, her lipstick applied perfectly, nothing was out of place. But if she was good at anything it was appearing to be fine when her whole life was falling apart. She had been sitting at her vanity for the better part of two hours, less concerned with the perfection of her makeup and more focused on putting off the inevitable.

Seeing Mingyu again.

“We don’t have to do this.” Wonwoo said with a reassuring hand to her shoulder. “You two haven’t spoken in three years and there’s nothing wrong with keeping it that way.”

Sighing, she reached for a pair of earrings. “I can’t let him keep controlling my life. I can survive a simple brunch with him and Ami. No need to worry so much.”

He kissed her temple gently. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

_I’m sure._ She reminded herself. _I can do this._

Which of course was easier said than done. She put on a brave face for Wonwoo, her loving husband of the past two years, her best friend for even longer, and she knew that he wasn’t fooled. He didn’t say anything in favor of either her pride or her façade. Neither of which could afford to shatter before their afternoon was over. He would allow her whatever she needed to get through the next few hours, it was her battle to face.

One she faced with a well rehearsed smile.

When they walked through the doors of their favorite café and she saw Mingyu and Ami sitting there, the picture-perfect couple, she stayed strong. She walked up to Ami with her arms open, letting herself and everyone else pretend like everything was fine. Because that’s what she was good at. That and ignoring the gaze Mingyu was burrowing into the back of her head.

While Ami began chewing her ear off, she watched Mingyu and Wonwoo share a curt greeting. It was hard to imagine what their relationship was before, they were such good friends. They all were. A part of her felt guilty for having some hand in their fallout, but Wonwoo assured her time and time again that it wasn’t her fault. Unfortunately, that didn’t change how she felt at all.

Eventually they took their seats, she wasn’t surprised in the slightest when Mingyu took up the spot next to her. She had been doing her best to ignore his subtle glances, ones she was sure that Wonwoo noticed but Ami did not. He wasn’t making it easy for her, and she expected that, didn’t mean she was any more prepared for it. After three years he still had some magnetic hold on her and all she could do was hope that he wouldn’t ruin her again.

_“I wish it could be different. I wish—I wish it didn’t have to end like this. I wish I wasn’t the reason why we can never be together.”_

_But it did._ She sighed. _It did, you are, and now it’s over._

“What brings you both back into town?” She asked suddenly to distract herself from her rapidly approaching past. “I can’t remember the last time you guys came around.”

“Oh, we’re just visiting some friends from college.” Ami informed her. “Plus, I’ve missed the big city lights.”

She laughed quietly. “Finally got tired of the countryside and the simple life did you?”

“Are you kidding me? On what planet is _Daegu_ the countryside?” Mingyu protested with a laugh. “You really haven’t changed at all, have you?”

She flinched reflexively, hating how his voice could instill such a guttural reaction in her after all this time. Wonwoo discreetly placed a hand on her knee underneath the table, trying to support her in a futile endeavor. One she was determined to see through.

Casting a sad smile down at her hands, ignoring the glint of his wedding ring, some part of her wanted him to be right. “A lot’s changed since we were roommates, Mingyu. A lot.”

_Four years ago_

Growing up, no one warned her about how stressful living on her own was going to be. Not a single person. Even her parents, as loving and wonderful as they are, did little to prepare her for what was to come. They were thrilled to have one less mouth to feed and couldn’t be rid of her quick enough. She still had four younger siblings that needed far more attention than she did. In her parting gifts, she was given a handful of cash, a box full of rubbers, and then they waved goodbye to their eldest daughter with a smile.

Which did nothing to help her down the road when the money started to run out and the condoms were completely untouched. She couldn’t find consistent work, all of her friends had boyfriends she didn’t want to live with or were living on campus, she was on her own. The only person to stick with her was her equally jobless and equally broke best friend Jeon Wonwoo. And she honestly wished that he hadn’t.

“Why don’t you just put an ad on Craigslist?” He suggested while he pilfered through her already sparse cabinets for food. “Or the paper or something, y’know, put yourself out there.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “Oh sure, how does this sound? _Young woman looking for a roommate, lives alone, lock on the front door sticks sometimes, prime real estate for serial killers looking for an easy target. Water and electric included, washer and dryer on property. Serious inquiries only._ ”

“Sounds like you’re being too picky, too stubborn, and too paranoid.” He chuckled, pulling out a box of stale Cheez-its. “We wouldn’t even be having this discussion if you let me move in.”

“If you think that I’m going to support your unemployed ass then you are sorely mistaken. You basically live here anyway.” She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to actually help me come up with a solution or are you just going to eat what little food I have?”

He shrugged. “I don’t see why I can’t do both.”

“I hate you.” She muttered, resting her chin in her hand. “If you don’t come up with an idea in the next five minutes I’m going to delete your Fortnite game data and donate all of your clothes to charity.”

“Whoa.” He protested immediately. “Let’s not get hasty now.”

“Please help me, Wonwoo.” She whined loudly. “I’m desperate and young, and I won’t stop bugging you until you fix this. Surely that big brain of yours can come up with a solution.”

He couldn’t help but scoff. “Intelligence doesn’t breed miracles, you should know that by now.”

“All I know is: I’m broke, I’m tired, and I just really want to buy a new pair of socks.” She groaned, propping her foot up on the counter. “There are holes, Wonwoo. _Holes!_ In almost every single pair of socks that I own! I can’t live like this anymore! I’m going crazy!”

“I can see that.” He chuckled. “But I might, _might_ have a solution for you. If you’re willing to stop being so picky, stubborn, and paranoid.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m _not_ putting up an ad on Craigslist.”

“And I’m not asking you too.” He clarified. “I actually have a friend who’s looking for an apartment and a roommate. He’s pretty chill, easy to live with. Wow, now that I think about it, he’s your exact opposite in every way!”

Narrowing her eyes, she grabbed a loaf of bread and threw it at him. “Ha ha, very funny. Like _I’m_ going to live with a complete stranger, that’s going to stress me out in a completely different way.”

“Like I said,” He started, having sufficiently dodged her projectile, “you need to stop being so paranoid. He’s a good guy! I’ve known him for years, totally reliable, will _definitely_ pay rent on time and in full, a bit of a homebody, what more could you want?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She hummed. “How about a background check, his credit score, a list of references, and his last five addresses. Y’know, to start.”

Wonwoo crossed his arms and leveled her a disparaging look. “Sometimes I wish I could record you and let you listen to yourself because you sound like a complete loon right now.”

“I’m not going to apologize for being cautious.” She returned proudly. “If our life was a horror movie I’d be the one with the gun and you’d be the one searching the basement.”

Pressing his lips together he was obviously trying not to laugh. “Okay, fine. So should I tell Mingyu to go take a hike? Let you suffer through your financial struggles with your horror movie survival badge and that award-winning attitude of yours?”

She felt a blush dust across her cheeks. “Well—I guess I could at least meet the guy. And if I think he’ll turn into an axe murderer he can be _your_ roommate.”

“You’re so sweet to me.” He stuck his tongue out at her. “Why am I bothering helping you again?”

“Because I let you live here for the past month even though you haven’t paid a dime of rent.” She countered confidently. “Besides, isn’t this was friends do for each other?”

They continued to bicker for what seemed like hours, as they often did, but eventually they shot Mingyu a text asking him to stop by in the next few days. She considered it to be quite the feat, she wasn’t one to trust easily. Especially when it was a man she had never met before. She put a lot of faith in Wonwoo. Despite her constant jabs, he rarely led her astray.

In the days leading up to Mingyu’s arrival and her inevitable appraisal of his character, she found herself liking the idea of having a roommate. It wasn’t entirely intentional on her part, she just liked to make lists of pros and cons and Mingyu’s presence would have definitely been more of a pro than a con. From what she knew of him he was tall, so he could change the lightbulbs she couldn’t reach. He liked to cook and he would save her from eating takeout until she burst at the seams. He liked dogs, so he wouldn’t give her weird looks when she cried over the dogs she saw on the street.

Okay, that last one wasn’t as likely.

Regardless, she had almost made up her mind before she even met him. Wonwoo picked fun at her constantly because of it.

“You’ve already got a roommate crush on him.” He snickered. “It’s kinda cute.”

“If you ever call me cute again I’m leaking that video of you crying over the ending of _Train to Busan._ ” She threatened with a snarl. “Don’t you test me Wonwoo because I will school you.”

Wonwoo scoffed. “If you didn’t cry over that ending, I’m sorry, you’re a robot. He was such an asshole but in the end, he was still a great dad, and—and—”

As his statement puttered out, she looked at him in disbelief. “Are you—are you seriously crying? Again? It’s been three years! You need to get over it!”

“I won’t, you emotionless hag!”

She rolled her eyes and got back to getting her apartment ready for company that wasn’t Wonwoo. “I don’t know how we’re still friends at this point. Every favor has conditions, every compliment a backhand. I should drop you and learn to love myself more.”

“You’re just as abusive!” He protested loudly. “This is how you treat me when I’m doing something nice for you!”

“Because I’m still not convinced this isn’t a very elaborate prank.” She clarified. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Opening his mouth to contradict her claims, he shrugged with a coy smirk on his face. “Alright, that’s fair. But I swear this is honest to Zeus truth. Mingyu should be here in a few minutes and you’ll see that I’m actually a saint at heart.”

“Yeah, Saint Jesus Malverde.” She scoffed under her breath. “Guide any wayward criminals towards the light recently?”

“As I always say, may my sneakers be tied tight and the police be fat and slow.” He nodded proudly. “You’re just jealous that all the cocaine smugglers pray to me.”

For a second they both just simply stared at each other, unsure how their conversation got to that point. Sometimes even they took things too far.

“Let’s—”

“Yeah, um—”

“Have we always been this weird?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

While they both burst into laughter, the doorbell rang. The moment of truth had arrived and her mouth dried up on the spot.

_Oh god._

_I’m not ready._

_Shit._

_Is it too late to turn back?_

“No backing out of this now.” Wonwoo said as if he heard her rampant thoughts. “Can’t let him know how rude you actually are.”

She flipped him off.

“Yeah, like that.”

Luckily for her, he was more than happy to answer the door in her nervous stead. She might have liked the idea of having a roommate but she didn’t like the idea of having to meet him and the existential fear that things wouldn’t work out. As much as Wonwoo liked to joke about her paranoia, it was starting to become a problem. She really shouldn’t have been standing there wondering if Mingyu turned out to be a cannibal would he be the merciful type and at least kill her first.

_I need help._

“Are you decent?” Wonwoo called jokingly from the entryway. “I’m bringing him in.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She swallowed nervously. “I’m—I’m great.”

“Good.”

If she thought her mouth was dry before, she definitely felt like the Sahara Desert had spread to her tonsils. Whoever was standing next to Wonwoo, she could’ve sworn that he was glowing. Mingyu was—attractive. Like the kind of attractive that mere mortals could only hope to gaze upon in magazines. She sincerely hoped that she wasn’t drooling at the sight of him because guys that gorgeous didn’t just wander into her apartment. From his sturdy wide set shoulders and his well put together outfit, his aura practically _screamed_ model.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.” Mingyu smiled easily with his hand extended. “You have a very lovely apartment.”

Whatever response she was going to muster up fell on deaf ears because she no longer possessed the ability to speak. She did, however, shake his hand while she continued to gawk at him.

“Alright, pick your jaw up off the ground.” Wonwoo groaned finally. “This is why I never showed you a picture, I knew you would turn into this.”

She couldn’t even offer a witty retort in her defense. She was speechless.

Mingyu laughed beside him and she nearly fainted from the heavenly sound. “Oh come on, don’t be so mean. Didn’t you say that she’s been letting you stay here?”

“Yeah, doesn’t mean that I can’t pick on her incessantly.” Wonwoo returned. “You don’t know the pain and anguish she’s put me through. She’s up at all hours learning Blackpink choreo—”

Finally stirred from her trance, she plastered her hand over her best friends mouth. “Oh, that Wonwoo, always joking around! It’s nice to meet you too, Mingyu. Wonwoo mentioned that you’re looking for a roommate!”

He nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I’m sort of desperate at this point. I waited a day too long to close on a lease and I wound up losing the apartment. Once my friends get sick of me I’ll basically be homeless.”

After Wonwoo wiggled out from her grasp, he nodded. “It’s true, he’s been cleaning and rearranging everywhere he’s been staying. He’s like the most helpful pest ever.”

“Well if he can cover half the rent then he’s free to clean and rearrange anything he wants.” She chuckled. “Lord knows that you can’t even clean up after you make instant ramen. And all you have to do when you’re done is throw it away!”

“Are you sure you want to live with this?” Wonwoo not-so-whispered to Mingyu. “As you can see, she’s insufferable.”

Eyeing him incredulously, she pulled out her phone. “Hey Mingyu, want to see Wonwoo starring in _Peter Pan_ when he was six? Because I have plenty of photos. And videos. It’s something you have to see to believe.”

“You wouldn’t.” Wonwoo all but gasped. “You swore an oath—”

“Oath my ass, you aren’t the leader of a secret society.” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe if you stopped ridiculing me at every turn I wouldn’t find it necessary to keep all of this blackmail!”

Out of nowhere, Mingyu burst out laughing. “Oh man, you two are hilarious. I can tell that you’re really good friends!”

“I wouldn’t say _really good_.” She contradicted.

Wonwoo scoffed. “Or _friends_.”

Neither of their statements seemed to phase Mingyu and his eternal sunshine of a smile. “In response to your earlier statement, I can more than cover half the rent. Money isn’t the issue, the overall lack of apartments in Seoul is the pervading problem.”

“Amen to that.” Wonwoo chimed in.

Ignoring him, she looked to Mingyu with hope in her eyes. “Alright, here’s my condition. You can stay here for a week and if that goes well we can talk more about you moving in permanently. I just—”

“Don’t want to commit to a complete stranger?” He finished for her. “I don’t blame you. Sounds like a deal.”

“Wait—what?” Wonwoo interrupted suddenly. “After arguing with me for days you just—cave? Just like that? Are you—no, you’re not kidding me. This is so you, I should’ve seen it coming! Sometimes I swear that you only exist to further agitate my angina.”

She flinched reflexively. “You know I hate that word.”

“You’re right, I do.” He concurred with a smug grin. “Which is why I’m going to keep using it until the day you _die._ ”

Mingyu chuckled quietly beside him. “You guys really are something else. I thought you were exaggerating when you said you bicker like an old married couple.”

Wonwoo shook his head. “Nope. She was my lab partner during Chem and we almost blew up the class because we were too busy arguing with each other to notice that something was burning. After seeing the footage it’s a miracle her hair made it out of that classroom alive.”

“It was only one time!” She protested. “All because _you_ said that SHINee is superior to BIGBANG!”

“If you think that Taeyang has _anything_ on Taemin you are sadly mistaken and I question your sanity.” He continued. “Granted, I’ve been questioning _my_ sanity for still being friends with you after you spew such nonsensical nonsense!”

“Well you say stupid things like _nonsensical nonsense_ so the feeling is mutual!” She threw back, crossing her arms. “Because we all know that G-Dragon and TOP would absolutely _demolish_ Minho and his so called _rapping_. Admit it, SHINee has a lot to learn!”

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s that? I didn’t hear you through the ramblings of a delusional brat!”

Before she could return his jab, Mingyu chimed in with a very confident. “Well, you’re both wrong. Super Junior blows both of them out of the water. Stan real talent guys, c’mon.”

As she exchanged glances with Wonwoo, laughter bubbled past her lips. It was at that exact moment that she could really see herself living with Mingyu. Once she realized that his personality did not match his looks at all, that he was a silly goofball just like her, she felt herself relax. He wasn’t this intimidating model that easily dwarfed her, he was just—Mingyu.

Oh how she hated it when Wonwoo was right. She mostly hated that insufferable look that was permanently etched into his smug little face, but she always hated that.

It didn’t take long for her to completely drop her defenses around Mingyu. Two days into his “trial period” and she told him to start unpacking. She was surprised with herself, surprised how comfortable she felt around him after such a short period of time. Evidently, he had that sort of effect on people. One look at him and she immediately knew that she could trust him. She was just in denial for a while. The only thing she had to worry about was Wonwoo rubbing his victory in her face whenever he stopped by. Luckily for her, Mingyu fixed the sticky lock on the front door and the call box had a mute button.

Life was grand.

Before she knew it they had been living together for weeks and they were a great first few weeks. Time seemed to fly by since she wasn’t so stressed anymore. No more worrying about starvation, or eviction, it was a huge weight off her shoulders. Not to mention that Mingyu managed to piece himself into her life perfectly. They had the same sense of humor, watched the same shows, listened to the same music, it was like they’d known each other their whole lives. Living with Mingyu was easy, simple, perfect.

Some nights they would stay up talking about anything and everything that popped into their heads. She liked talking to him, liked how his brain worked, liked spending time basking in his infectious warmth. It didn’t matter to either of them that they would wind up talking until the sun came up, didn’t care how tired they were the next day. They enjoyed spending time together and that was enough for them.

“How long have you known Wonwoo?” She asked him one night as they cleaned up after dinner. “I’m shocked he’s never mentioned you before. Keeping you all to himself, what a prick.”

He laughed at her abruptness. “It’s not like we’ve been that close recently, we were just neighbors growing up. Around junior high, he moved to Seoul when his dad got transferred. We still talked online and stuff but up until I moved here we hadn’t seen each other in years. So I’m not shocked that I never came up.”

She nodded, absentmindedly drying their plates. “At least that’s better than him flat out forgetting. Do you want to know when I met his little brother? When he walked in on Wonwoo and I smoking a blunt. He had never even told me he _had_ a brother.”

“Oh, that’s not so bad—”

“I had already been friends with Wonwoo for three years.” She leveled with him. “For someone so smart he can be a little scatterbrained.”

Mingyu chuckled quietly. “Funny enough, when I knew him when we were kids he was as serious as the grave. Deadass. He rarely smiled, rarely laughed, it was kinda creepy sometimes. I’ve never seen him be so free and open before I saw him bickering with you. I could’ve sworn that you two were dating or something.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.” She muttered as she pretended to keep her dinner down. “That’s—what a disgusting thought. There’s no way in hell I’d ever date him. He’s just so—so—” She paused. “ _Wonwoo._ ”

He snorted but quickly cleared his throat to mask the sound. “And he’s your best friend? Wow. Makes me wonder what you think about me.”

“Oh, you’re leaps and bounds better than him, there’s no comparison.” She exclaimed with pride. “Definitely the best roommate a desperate girl like me could ask for.”

Smiling affectionately, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and planted a chaste kiss to her temple. “You sweet talker. I’m glad I didn’t let him talk me into getting an apartment together. You’re much better company than Wonwoo.”

Feeling a blush crawling up her neck, she gently bumped him with her hip. “I’m just stating facts and you’re trying to butter me up. But I’m not falling for it. Keep doing dishes mister, that kimchi pot isn’t going to clean itself!”

With an obedient salute he did as he was told, allowing her to try and compose herself. Something that she was trying to become accustomed to was Mingyu’s fondness for skinship. Despite being raised in a very loving family she wasn’t used to such blatant displays of affection. Especially when it involved her. At first, it startled her. The first time he hugged her she had gone completely rigid with shock. Never in all her life had anyone been so openly touchy with her, much less a man. Not even her boyfriends were comfortable with skinship. It wasn’t— _bad,_ persey, but she figured it would be better to air on the side of caution.

“Shit, forgot to mention that.” Wonwoo grumbled over the phone after she called him about it in a panic. “Yeah, Mingyu is one big softie and only wants to smother the world with love. Imagine a giant golden retriever. That’s him.”

She twirled the ends of her hair nervously as she eyed Mingyu from the other room. “Yeah, sure, that’s all fine and dandy but what does it _mean?_ ”

“What are you asking exactly?” He laughed despite her situation. “Are you wondering if maybe Mingyu has the hot tamales for you?”

“Well it didn’t seem like such a preposterous idea until you said it like _that_.” She rolled her eyes. “But yeah, that’s what I’m asking. So answer the question before I drown you in videos of that screaming goat you’re afraid of.”

Wonwoo chuckled quietly. “No need to threaten, you’re fine. Don’t worry about it. Mingyu’s always been affectionate like that, even with guys. Just—if it bothers you, give him a heads up. He’s totally aware that people don’t usually like all the hugging and forehead kisses. He won’t take it personally. If he’s starting to act like this it simply means that he’s really comfortable around you already. It’s a compliment. But he can tone it down or stop entirely if it’s bugging you that much.”

Sighing in relief, her lips twitched into a smile. “Thank you, Woo. Sometimes you’re not half bad. One might even say _tolerable_.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t get used to it.”

“Love you.”

He grumbled. “Love you too.”

Her heart almost melted, sometimes Wonwoo surprised her.

And sometimes he didn’t.

“Still can’t believe you thought he might have a thing for you.” He snorted. “What a ridiculous idea.”

She guffawed. “Wha—you know what? I take that back. I hate you and I hope you burn in hell!”

Ending the call in a huff, she stuffed her phone back in her pocket and grumbled about her stupid best friend. But her words lacked sincerity. In reality she appreciated him more than he would ever know, and that’s something he could never find out.

With Wonwoo’s counsel she was able to become more comfortable with the idea of skinship and Mingyu’s behavior. And, in time, she even started to enjoy it. It was—nice. Having someone care about you. Not only that, having someone care about you and not being afraid to show that affection was a breath of fresh air. Suddenly she had a new standard that others were going to have to meet.

At first, when she questioned whether or not Mingyu had any romantic intent behind his actions, she couldn’t place the feelings she had for him. Her heart would race, her palms would clam up, it wasn’t something she was used to. She wondered if maybe, _maybe_ , she had feelings for him. Eventually, she was able to realize that her reactions were due to the fact that she wasn’t accustomed to his behavior. Almost like a nervous tick. She didn’t feel anything romantic towards him.

And for a while that was the truth, her friendship with Mingyu was one that she cherished deeply. Their honest and open dynamic was everything she could have wanted from a roommate and more.

There were times though that she wasn’t quite sure what his intentions were. Every now and again he’d toe the line between friendship and something more and she’d remind herself what Wonwoo told her. He was just being himself and she had nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing.

Still, sometimes it was sketchy. More often than not they’d wind up cuddling on the couch while they watched variety shows or made their way through the entire Netflix library. She’d lost track of how many times they had fallen asleep only to have been woken up by a kiss to her cheek and a quiet “good morning” whispered against her skin. The simple action was so inherently intimate that it made her heart flutter.

Not only that, when they were out in town he would hold her hand. He’d pull her close and wouldn’t let her go. She would find little presents left for her after she had a rough day at work. Again and again, she had to tell herself that he didn’t mean anything, that’s just how Mingyu was. She wasn’t special and he did this with everyone.

At least—that’s what she wanted to believe.

Lines started to blur after one night when she got back from a late shift at the restaurant. She was drained both physically and emotionally, all she wanted to do was collapse onto her bed and never leave the comfort of her sheets, but Mingyu had other plans. It was actually her birthday, something that she had never told him and never expected him to know. That’s why she was absolutely stunned when she walked through the door and there was a cake and a very tired Mingyu waiting for her.

_He must’ve stayed up waiting for me._ She realized, her eyes and heart softening. _What a sweetheart._

Hanging up her coat, she approached him cautiously. He was snoring quietly into his folded arms. Getting down on her knees so she was eye level with him she was once again floored by his effortless beauty. He was even more handsome up close, something she didn’t think possible. Her heart was racing a mile a minute.

“Mingyu?” She prompted, nudging him gently. “C’mon, time to get up. You’re going to hurt your back if you sleep here all night.”

He didn’t budge.

Leaning in closer, she blew air right into his face. “Kim Mingyu, if you don’t wake up this instant I’m going to eat all of those fancy chocolates your mom sent you. Every. Last. _One._ ”

That caused him to stir, fidgeting slightly he cracked open his sleepy eyes at her.

“There we go.” She cooed. “Morning sleepyhead, sleep well?”

Sitting up straight and stretching his arms overhead, he offered her a kind smile. “Honestly? It wasn’t half bad.”

“You’re ridiculous.” She sighed, standing and making her way towards the cabinets. “You didn’t have to stay up, y’know. And you most definitely didn’t have to get a cake.”

“Like I was going to let you celebrate your birthday alone.” He protested. “Thanks for telling me, by the way.”

She felt a familiar blush dust across her cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep it from you it just slipped my mind. How did you figure it out anyway?”

“Your Grammy Gram’s had flowers sent.” He said with a yawn. “’To my favorite granddaughter, love you snookems!’”

Pursing her lips and blushing something fierce, she quickly turned back and snagged the card out of his hands. “Well—you still didn’t have to wait up for me. Wonwoo and I were going to celebrate tomorrow.”

“Without me?” He pouted, his puppy dog eyes as tenacious as ever. “I’m hurt!”

She offered him an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry I didn’t invite you. I wasn’t sure you’d want to come along.”

“Of course I would.” He stated bluntly. “I’d go anywhere with you.”

For a brief moment, her heart stopped beating. Before her rapidly warming cheeks could betray her, she pivoted on her heel and headed back into the kitchen. Desperately trying to find something to distract herself from the butterflies beating against her ribcage. From the feelings that were continuing to sabotage her. In the end, she wound up bracing herself against the counter while attempting to will the dangerous thoughts away.

_Mingyu is just being Mingyu, he’s just—_

Her inner ramblings came to a complete stop when she felt him slip his arms around her middle, pulling her back into him in an intimate embrace. Despite the fact that he was the reason why her emotions were going haywire, his presence still comforted her. The warmth that emanated from him and seeped into her very being soothed her overactive mind. Without meaning to she eased back into him, focusing on his steady heartbeat until she was finally calm.

“Thank you…” She mumbled for no particular reason.

“It was my pleasure.” He whispered, kissing her temple tenderly. “Happy birthday.”

She didn’t know why she melted in his arms, why it was the only place she wanted to be. Mingyu was—he was different. And she didn’t know why. In actuality—she was scared to learn the truth. Because the truth was hard to ignore, hard to come back from, and she didn’t know what it would all mean for her.

After that night, things got a little—complicated. A little weird, even. Not that they were awkward, just different. The physical affection that was once completely foreign to her was suddenly more natural to her than breathing. On a couple of occasions they would up falling asleep in either of their beds after one of their late night discussions. She didn’t even question it, it didn’t even phase her. Eventually, they got to a point where they were so comfortable around each other that Mingyu had started walking from the bathroom to the kitchen and back to his room in nothing more than a towel.

That made her uncomfortable in a completely different way.

At first, their new relationship began to form gradually, then it happened all at once. The line she once thought existed between them wasn’t simply blurred, it vanished altogether. They were cuddling on the couch late at night, a blanket draped over their laps, and some old action movie on the screen. Neither of them had been watching it for some time, they were both exhausted from long days at work and while she struggled to stay awake, he had completely dozed off.

Looking up at him she couldn’t help but smile. The only thing that was keeping him from toppling over was her small frame. A part of her wanted to slip away undetected, to let him sleep peacefully, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. She liked being with him, even if he was half asleep and his feet were poking out from underneath the blanket. She thought it was the cutest thing ever.

When his head lolled to the side and his fringe fell into his eyes she reached out to him before she even realized what she was doing. She hesitated a moment, wondering if she was taking things too far, but she was too far gone at that point. Gently she pushed his hair back out of his face, her touch lingering on his cheek for just a second longer than she intended. She was mesmerized by his sleeping face, something she had seen a thousand times before. Something she would never be sick of.

As her gaze continued to wander, to memorize every detail of his handsome features, she realized that Mingyu was looking back at her intently. His dark eyes swimming with something she couldn’t name. While she was distracted by his beauty he had woken up and she hadn’t even noticed. Her fingertips were still resting on his face and she quickly pulled away from him, stuffing her hand into her lap out of embarrassment. She couldn’t believe he had caught her doing something so weird.

Before she had a chance to compose or explain herself, he was caressing her cheek tenderly. He tilted her chin up toward him, pulling her fervent gaze back to him and her breath hitched in her throat. He was so close, his warm brown eyes alone were enough to melt what little resolve she had. The feelings she swore up and down weren’t romantic made a fool out of her yet again. Without meaning to she kept looking down at his lips. Remembering that time and time again he had planted purely platonic kisses to her cheek, temple, forehead, but that wasn’t enough for her anymore.

Little did she know that he was thinking the same exact thing.

Ever so slowly he closed the remaining distance between them, pressing his lips to hers tentatively. Silently wondering if he had crossed a line that no longer existed. The electricity that coursed through her was overwhelming, exhilarating, and she pushed him away out of pure confusion. She held him at arm’s length as he eyed her with worry and regret, unable to fully grasp the wave of emotions crashing inside of her. But the answer to her unspoken queries was simple.

_More._

Her eventual response was nearly feral, pulling him back in with a ferocity she didn’t know she possessed. Moaning at his touch, she had no idea that she had been yearning for his lips with every part of her being. Fisting at his shirt, she knew that she wasn’t letting him go. Her lips were eager for him in a way she had denied for too long.

From just a split second of pure unadulterated impulse and passion, everything about their relationship had changed. The soft and sweet Mingyu she had known was replaced by a man who wanted her as a woman. He explored her in ways few had before, he wouldn’t leave a single inch of her undiscovered. His hand settled on her waist, keeping her still while she unraveled in his arms, while he savored her taste, her touch, the way she squirmed in his grasp—he couldn’t get enough of it.

It was maddening and thrilling all at once.

Rocking back for a moment, he gently pushed her down until she was lying down flat, putting himself in between her legs and trailing kisses down her neck. She wrapped her arms around his neck naturally, holding him close as if she was afraid he would suddenly disappear. Or maybe she was the one who was going to vanish because the only thing she could see was stars. Every time Mingyu kissed her he was fanning a fire deep within her. One that would surely raze her to the bone if she’d let it.

His heated breath on her skin, his eager lips branding her very soul, she was losing her mind. She couldn’t explain it, it was like her every nerve ending would fire each time he pressed his lips to her skin. Her stomach was a mess of butterflies and knots, her heartbeat thundered in her ears, she had never experienced anything like Mingyu before. In a matter of minutes, he had a hold on her that she couldn’t ever imagine shaking.

Just when she was at her breaking point, mere seconds away from her resolve shattering entirely, he pulled away from her. Her chest rose and fell in perfect rhythm with his, she looked up at him expectantly, anxiously, her mind was careening out of control. All she knew was that she craved his touch, his lips, craved them like a drug. Nothing else mattered to her anymore, all she wanted was Mingyu and she didn’t realize how dangerous that was. She wouldn’t have cared anyway.

Suddenly he whispered her name and her mind went completely blank.

When she woke up the next day she was almost shocked to be in her own bed and completely clothed minus her rilakkuma socks. Thinking back, she couldn’t remember much of the previous night. She could definitely remember kissing Mingyu as if her life depended on it, that was something she would never forget. But at some point her ability to retain information was lost and she soon found herself a slave to her own passions. By the state of her clothes, she could safely assume that they hadn’t completely crossed the line, they could still turn back from what happened if they really wanted to.

Stumbling out of her room she was mildly shocked to see him sitting at the table with a bowl full of cereal and the morning paper open in front of him. He looked—normal. Painfully so. Everything seemed more normal than it should’ve been and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Looking up at her with a radiant smile, she questioned whether or not she was dreaming. Nothing about their little escapade on the couch showed up in his demeanor at all. The only evidence that existed was locked away in her own memory. It made her wonder if she dreamt the whole thing up in the end.

Offering him a shaky smile, she disappeared into the kitchen to make herself breakfast. Whatever happened, be it a casual fling or a romantic delusion, she had to put it behind her. At least for the time being. She could overanalyze her pipedream after she had showered and her grumbling stomach wasn’t distracting her. All she had to do was keep her shaky composure for just a few minutes more.

“Ouch, not even a good morning?” He teased her. “Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

She laughed nervously, almost spilling the carton of orange juice. “I—I guess you could say that…”

Chuckling underneath his breath, he stood up and walked over to her. “It’s only eight, you could honestly get a few more hours. You don’t work until later, right? You should get some rest.”

“Y-yeah.” She hesitated. “But I was going to shower first to see if that—if it’ll help at all.”

He leaned against the doorframe with a smirk. “I don’t know how much a shower is going to help you open up that jar of peanut butter.”

Looking back at him in confusion, he motioned to the jar she had been hopelessly attempting to open for the past thirty seconds. Blushing uncontrollably, she nodded and stepped away. Hating how she wasn’t even able to function normally, hating how she was behaving so differently than usual. Hating how she couldn’t keep her turbulent hormonal emotions in check for five seconds. He probably thought that she was acting like a crazy person, fumbling over orange juice and peanut butter in her Ryan pajamas.

And just when she thought that she couldn’t be any more flustered than she already was, she felt Mingyu’s arms slip underneath hers and she lost it completely. His chest was pressed flush against her back, she could feel his heart beating against her clear as day and she wondered if he could feel hers too. She wondered if he had any idea what sort of effect he had on her, how that effect only seemed to grow stronger by the day. Even as she watched him uncap the jar, she struggled to maintain what little restraint she had left.

Despite the fact that the jar of peanut butter was open and her fumbling was over, they didn’t move from their interlocked position for maybe a whole minute before she couldn’t take it anymore. Unfortunately for her, there was no way for her to subtly escape from her situation. She could feel her palms start to sweat, a familiar and different sort of knot took up a spot in her stomach, and she was stuck. She’d either have to say something or pointedly remove herself from his grasp. Neither of which seemed particularly appealing to her. She just—she had to do _something_ before she _exploded._

When he gently took her by the shoulders she barely registered the sensation. Then he turned her around to face him head on, leaving her with no escape route. Her lips parted in some attempt to start the conversation she feared, but she couldn’t muster up the courage. Her eyes looked up at him for an answer to a question she hadn’t asked and he offered a kind smile in return. That smile made her drop her guard for just a moment, allowing him to duck down to kiss her quickly, unexpectedly, and that sent shivers down her spine. She didn’t mean to but she basically gasped. Or perhaps moaned was a better word to describe the airy breath that escaped her.

“Good morning.” He mumbled against her tentative lips. “Sorry for being so brash, I couldn’t resist.”

Letting him kiss her one more time, she shook her head. “N-no need to apologize. It’s not the worst thing to wake up to.”

“Hmm…” He hummed happily, stealing a third kiss. “I’ll be sure to remember that for the future.”

_Future?_

It was a terrifying word but still—she liked it.

In all reality, their relationship was strange. At least at first. Perhaps strange was too strong of a word but she had never experienced anything like it. They never talked about what they were, just every now and again he’d hold her hand or slip his arm around her. He would kiss her gently and then whisper sweet nothings in her ear, he would be waiting for her at the door after a long day armed with nothing more than that award-winning smile of his. They had transitioned smoothly from roommates to something _more._

Still, it was strange. Whenever people came over to visit, be it Wonwoo or Seungcheol or another one of their friends, Mingyu was surprisingly distant. He said that it was because he didn’t want them to bug them about their relationship, if one could even call it that, but that he wanted their private life to stay private. She got that, she really did, it was just weird for her. She learned to get over it.

Since they moved in together they had this one rule, a simple one, no entering anyone else’s room without permission. Like when one of them was asleep or when they were at work the other couldn’t simply wander in without incurring the wrath of the roommate code. Seemed pretty standard, rational, and for some time it worked for them. And, fortunately for Kim Mingyu, it was the one rule she never yelled at him for breaking.

“Jesus Christ…” He mumbled when he walked in and spotted her huddled up underneath the blankets with a wet cloth on her forehead. “No wonder I haven’t seen you all day. Why didn’t you tell me that you’re sick!”

She attempted to suppress a cough and failed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m completely fine. Just—” _Cough_. “Just fine and dandy.”

Arching a disbelieving brow, he motioned to the numerous discarded tissues surrounding her. “Oh, is that so? Then what exactly are these? Decorations?”

“Are you questioning my design choices now?” She countered. “Talk about kicking someone while they’re down.”

“So you admit that you’re not feeling well.” He smiled triumphantly. “You just can’t get your story straight can you?”

“If you’re going to be a brat then you can kindly show yourself the door.” She grumbled. “I’m sure you remember where it is.”

“What’s that?” He asked, cupping his hand around his ear. “All I heard was, _oh woe is me, I’m horribly sick! Could you please please_ please _take care of me Kim Mingyu?_ Wow, that’s—I’ve never heard you so honest and open before! Of course I’ll take care of you, that’s what roommates are for! You didn’t even have to ask.”

She pursed her lips stubbornly. “That’s not what I said and you know it. Brat.”

Snickering, he shook his head. “Here I am trying to be nice and you’re just sitting there calling me names. You, little missy, are a cruel cruel mistress.”

As if intentionally betraying her, her stomach grumbled.

“Hungry?”

She nodded.

“Honey porridge and lemon tea?”

_Nod._

“Alright, coming right up.”

She was thankful for the fever coursing through her because her cheeks would’ve flared up regardless at Mingyu’s continued selflessness. In all her life she had never met anyone like him, and she couldn’t stop saying that. He was someone who was immediately willing to help others without being prompted or asked. Wonwoo warned her how easily Mingyu could grow on some people, there was an honesty and vulnerability to him that most people would try to deny or hide. There were no secrets with Mingyu, no questions. He was the sort of man that girls dreamed about falling in love with. Evidently, she was no different.

“Here you go.” He offered, pulling up her desk chair and sitting beside her bed. “I already had it ready since I assumed you were sick. Now that’s what I like to call premium bedside manners. I promise you that you won’t get this sort of service anywhere else.”

_God, I don’t deserve him._ “Were you someone’s aunty in another life?”

Chuckling underneath his breath, he spooned out some porridge for her. “Probably. Now stop sassing me and eat. You need to get your strength back.”

Her blush, or her fever, deepened considerably. “I—I can feed myself, you don’t need to—”

“Nonsense.” He persisted. “Let me take care of you. It’s the least I can do since you let me move in with you, I still owe you for that by the way.”

“You don’t owe me anything, dumb dumb.” She mumbled. “I was happy to help.”

Mingyu barked out a laugh. “Happy to help my ass! I remember that look on your face, that cute little scrunched up look because you were trying to figure out if I was a going to turn out to be some psycho killer! You were downright terrified!”

“What’d you expect!” She exclaimed loudly and wound up coughing from the exertion. “Stupid Jeon Wonwoo, who, mind you, gives out his credit card information to anyone who asks, invites some handsome stranger into my apartment and says _hey, meet your new roommate!_ You have to admit that whole encounter—” _Cough_ “—could’ve gone a lot worse!”

They spent a moment or two reliving the moment they met. How she and Wonwoo argued, how she was worried over nothing, and how she inevitably caved because, even then, she realized that Mingyu was the best thing for her.

Once his laughter died out, a soft smile stood in its place. “Well, I’m glad it all worked out. For many reasons.”

When he leaned over her, his intent clear on his face, she wanted to push him away. The logical part of her wanted to scream at him to get lost, to save him from the sickness she was plagued with, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was far too desperate for his touch, her body was already hopelessly addicted to the taste of his lips. The warmth that continuously pulsated through him was palpable, debilitating, and she couldn’t get enough.

The kiss was soft and tender, more comforting than anything else. She could feel his worry, his compassion, in the small gesture on its own. He cared about her, cared about her in a way that was perhaps a bit more than a friend, or a roommate, or whatever else they were. In those moments it was hard for her to convince herself that she wasn’t falling head over heels in love with him.

As they parted, she couldn’t help but frown. “You goofball, you’re just going to get yourself sick.”

“I’m okay with that.” He mused happily and kissed her again. “If I do then you’ll just have to take care of me.”

“What makes you think I’ll do any of that?” She challenged with a pout. “Maybe I’ll let you suffer so you can learn from your mistakes.”

Smiling, he continued to kiss her. “I guess I’ll just have to take that risk.”

After that, the line she kept trying to convince herself still existed between them disappeared altogether. In truth, it had been gone for months. For so long it had been blurred beyond recognition so it was nice to finally be rid of it once and for all. She loved how when she woke up every morning he was right there beside her. He was the first person she talked to every day, the last person she said goodnight to. Those small domestic things were what she loved most about him.

She almost admitted it too.

Even after being “together” for nearly half a year they still have never put a label to what they were. That small uncertainty always made her feel a bit uneasy, but she learned to ignore it for the most part. They were happy together and for her, that was enough. She was happy when he held her hand so tight she was afraid she’d lose it. When he’d steal kisses when she least expected it, when he’d hold her in his arms and promise to never let her go. That was all she really needed in the long run. Even if they continued as they were she would be happy.

But soon everything changed.

“Someone from Daegu called for you while you were out.” She informed him as he toed off his work boots. “I told her that you’d call her back.”

Snickering, he hung up his jacket and practically skipped over to her. “What does my mom want now? Did you tell her that her birthday present was in the mail?”

While he snaked his arms around her midsection from behind she suppressed a chuckle. “Definitely wasn’t your mom. It was—someone named Ami? I think?”

He went rigid suddenly. “O-oh. Yeah. I should—I should probably call her back. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Kissing her temple and dashing off towards his room, she couldn’t ignore the anxious knot tightening in her stomach. His reaction was—off. He usually wasn’t all flustered like that over a phone call. She tried to convince herself that it was about something important, but even she knew there was something more going on. She just didn’t want to admit it. Every now and again she could hear him on the phone, his tone was rushed and frustrated. Two things she had never experienced before. Whoever this Ami was, she most certainly didn’t bring out the best in him.

After an hour he finally emerged, a tired expression plastered on his handsome face. She wanted to ask him what that was all about, but she couldn’t. She told herself that he would talk to her about it in due time. Instead of grilling him she simply opened up her arms as he approached her, holding him close and offering what small comfort she could while her heart raced with uncertainty.

“I need to go home for a couple of days.” He mumbled into her hair. “I’ll be leaving tomorrow around noon.”

Her stomach sank unexpectedly. “Is everything okay? You seem—”

Before she could finish her statement, Mingyu silenced her with his lips. The action was desperate, needy, and it worried her considerably. She was shocked, she didn’t even move until he lifted her up and sat her on the counter. Despite her evident confusion, he didn’t relent. He kissed her with everything he had, looking for something she couldn’t place. In all the time she had lived with Mingyu she had never seen this side of him. She wasn’t sure she liked it either.

In time her hesitation melted underneath him, as it usually did. She wrapped her arms around his neck and reveled in his heated touch. His hands slipped underneath her shirt, his rugged grip resting on her hips and cementing her in place. She was exactly where he wanted her, she was at his mercy and she didn’t care. When he pulled her closer to him the heat she felt wafting off of him was enough to scorch her. The more she thought about it—the more she wanted it to.

“I love you.” He whispered against her lips, a confession she never expected but somehow always knew. “I love you so much.”

As much as she wanted to be happy about his proclamation—it sounded more like a goodbye to her.

“I love you too…”

They never talked about that night, they never talked about anything really. She had never noticed that until the phone call from Ami. She continued on with her life regardless, wondering who that mystery woman was, wondering why he needed to go home so suddenly to see her. But she never brought it up. Because she and Mingyu never talked. Not about anything that actually mattered.

Every now and again she’d look at her phone, conflicted, wanting to call Wonwoo and get some information to sate her overactive mind. The only thing that stopped her was that he didn’t even know about her relationship with Mingyu to begin with. They—they hadn’t told anyone. It was their little secret. _She_ was his little secret.

“Alright, so I gotta know…” She prompted one night while they were cuddling in bed. “What was Wonwoo like as a kid? I bet he was insufferable.”

It took him a minute to process, but eventually Mingyu burst out laughing. “We’re lying in bed together, we just had sex, and you’re asking me about another man? Wow, you sure do know how to make a guy feel insecure. Thinking about someone else after I rocked your world. That’s enough to wound anyone’s ego.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not a _man_. A _Wonwoo._ Those are two very different things.”

“You two have one of the weirdest relationships I have ever seen.” He snickered quietly. “It’s not even like he’s your brother, you just repulse each other and yet you get along so well? I’ve never seen two people bicker and argue so much. What’s up with that?”

Pursing her lips, she shrugged. “Y’know I’ve never really thought about it. That’s just how we’ve always been.”

“That boggles my mind, it’s so weird!” He sighed. “Woo was so shy when we were kids, like completely silent for hours. Well—maybe he was just a quiet old soul. Neither of which hold a candle to the neurosis he seems to be plagued with now.”

“Wonwoo? Quiet?” She scoffed. “He’s the loudest person I know. I can’t believe he’s really that different now. I’ve never even seen another side of him. He’s always been— _this._ ”

“Seems like you have that effect on people.” He mused quietly, kissing her temple. “You bring out their true selves.”

Her cheeks warmed considerably at his kindness. “I don’t think that’s much of a good thing in his case… he’s really annoying.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” He smiled. “I like this Wonwoo, he’s so much more open and honest. When we were kids I had no idea what he was thinking. We’d just read in silence and that was basically our friendship in a nutshell. He probably said a total of five things to me over the course of three years. It was weird but it worked for us.”

“And now you’re closer than ever.” She hummed affectionately. “I’m glad you two decided to catch up.”

Taking her hand in his, he laced their fingers together. “So am I. If it wasn’t for Wonwoo I—I never would’ve met you.”

Without warning her heart started racing. Mingyu never was what one would call tactful, his timing was always off, borderline terrible, and usually wound up making things awkward unintentionally. But those callous remarks of his caught her off guard every single time.

“Do you ever miss Daegu?” She asked out of the blue to distract herself. “Wonwoo always talks about how everything is so much _faster_ here in Seoul. Is it really that different?”

Mingyu nodded, absentmindedly stroking her hair. “It’s definitely something else. Daegu is still a big city but it doesn’t compare.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She continued. “Must be nice to slow down a little every once and awhile.”

“Sure, but I’d stay here forever if I could.” He admitted honestly, sighing and pulling her in closer. “There’s nothing for me in Daegu. I wouldn’t miss it if I never went back.”

She looked up at him expectantly. “Isn’t that a bit harsh? Surely there’s _something_ you like about your hometown.”

The smile that creased his lips wasn’t one she was accustomed to seeing. There was pain in his eyes, regret creased his brow. It made her heart ache.

“Believe me when I say that I have nothing but disdain towards Daegu.” He said through his teeth. “The only home I have is right here. With you.”

While her heart skipped several beats and she struggled to breathe, Mingyu had already taken her face in his hands. For a moment they just looked into each other’s eyes, there was something swimming in his irises that turned her stomach into knots. And not the good kind. There was something wrong and she knew it. As he kissed her feverishly, desperately, her mind went completely blank despite her best efforts to hold onto her sanity. When coherent thought evaded her she willingly surrendered to his passion. Again. She let him press her down flat. Again. She didn’t protest when he hovered over her, she didn’t flinch when she saw that his eyes were hungry for _her_. Again.

She stayed quiet when all she wanted to do was scream. _Again._

There was something different about that time, she could feel it. Every time he kissed her she could hear his heart screaming to tell her something and it scared her. She was afraid that everything was about to change, that it was going to fall apart. But she ignored the sinking feeling in her stomach. She pushed aside her insecurities, her reason, and her doubt until the only thing that separated them was her rose hip perfume and his heated breath over her skin.

In the end, she was right. Nothing was the same after that night. Mingyu was out of the apartment more often than not, they spent little to no time together, even if they went to bed together she would usually wake up alone. It was painfully evident that he was avoiding her. Whenever he _was_ home he was usually on the phone locked in his room. What she didn’t understand was—why? After everything he said to her, everything she said to him, all of the promises, spoken and unspoken, the lingering touches and fervent love, he was going to pretend that she didn’t exist? It didn’t make sense and it was driving her crazy.

As the holiday season neared and their apartment looked no different, it solidified the truth of the fact that something was terribly wrong. When Halloween rolled around earlier in the year every single inch of the apartment was covered with little knick-knacks and decorations. Mingyu was the type to celebrate and to hold nothing back. Whatever was going on with him wasn’t just affecting their relationship. It was affecting him too.

Every single day she considered knocking on his door, desperately wanting to initiate a conversation with him. She would stand there with her hand raised and it would eventually fall defeated to her side. She couldn’t do it. How could she? She had no idea what to say. They never talked about their relationship when it was going well. How could they talk about it when it was slowly falling apart? They rarely ever mentioned their feelings towards each other, she couldn’t imagine that he’d ever spill his heart out to her.

Eventually it all made sense. Everything finally came together after Wonwoo invited both of them to his Christmas party with his new roommates.

“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Wonwoo asked, clearly caught off guard. “You always come, I need someone to make snide comments to throughout the night and guard my weed. You know this.”

She sighed, drying her wet hair with a towel. “Why can’t you be a Mean Girl with Mingyu? Or your new buddy Junhui?”

“Because Mingyu’s too nice and it’s not the same without you! Your sarcasm is the pinnacle of sardonically inclined people across the nation.” He protested. “You know that he doesn’t have a snarky bone in his body. You’d think he would since he’s so tall.”

“You do realize that just because he’s tall doesn’t mean he has any more bones in his body than a normal person.” She asked, her tone surprisingly dry. “That’s not how the world works.”

“I’m also 90% sure that he’s an alien.” He chuckled. “C’mon, don’t abandon me in my time of need! I’ve barely seen you in months! I like—miss you and stuff. I can’t believe I said that out loud.”

Rolling her eyes, she stood up and started pacing. “Neither can I. Besides, what _you_ consider a time of need and what _I_ consider a time of need are two completely different things.”

“Hey.” Wonwoo protested. “All those times in college when I was trying to do a keg stand were definitely times of need.”

She snorted quietly. “Yeah, a need to buy me new shoes because you can’t hold your alcohol.”

“If I puke on your shoes again I’ll totally buy you new ones.” He continued desperately. “So—you’re coming, right? I’ve got the good stuff and you can have as much as you want. And if you’re looking for someone to take home, Soonyoung takes his clothes off after two shots so you might get lucky.”

Groaning loudly, she finally relented. “Okay, fine. I’ll come. But I reserve the right to leave whenever I feel like it. Understood?”

“It’s a deal.” He confirmed. “Hey, while I have you, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.” She sighed. “Shoot.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, worry clear in his voice. “You just—you seem a little off.”

Hesitating for only a moment, she brushed him off. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, stressed, the usual.”

“Sure, okay…” Wonwoo trailed off, obviously not convinced. “What about Mingyu? He’s not acting much like himself either. Did something—did something happen?”

“No.” She clipped. “I gotta go, later Woo.”

“Wait--!”

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Defeated, she let her arm drop to her side, wondering what she was going to do about Wonwoo. He knew her better than anyone, as much as she liked to deny it. The second he saw her and Mingyu together in the same room, unable to speak to each other, he’d figure out what was going on between them. She sincerely hoped that he would either be too faded or drunk to notice anything.

At least the party would be an easy way to see him, to maybe talk to Mingyu about everything. It could be a good thing for them. Surely they’d move past it, whatever was bothering him wasn’t going to last forever—right? They could still save their relationship.

_Relationship._ She scoffed bitterly. _What a joke._

The only relationship they had was that of a man and a woman living in close proximity. There wasn’t anything keeping them together apart from the fact that they lived in the same apartment. Nothing at all. She thought her heart would hurt from that realization—but for some reason it didn’t.

Mingyu wasn’t home all day so she wound up going to the party on her own. She showed up at Wonwoo’s front door with his Christmas presents in tow, a fake smile plastered on her face. One that wasn’t necessary since Wonwoo himself was, in fact, plastered.

“Wooooww…” He drawled, throwing his arms around her in a drunken embrace. “This is _sooooo_ amazing! _So_ amazing. You really shouldn’t have!”

Snickering, she carefully removed his heavy limbs from around her shoulders. “You’re right. From the looks of you I could’ve brought your trash back in from the street and you would’ve been happier than a pig in shit.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He admitted with a laugh. “Granted I’ve got quite a bit of cross-fading going on, Seokmin always brings the good—wait, where’s Mingyu? He’s not with you?”

She shrugged. “Beats me. I haven’t seen him all day.”

Nodding, he suddenly snapped his fingers like he had an epiphany. “Oh shit! That’s right! He was picking up Ami from the train station!”

_Ami?_

“Wait, who exactly is Ami?” She asked. “He’s—he’s mentioned her before but he’s never—”

“Wonwoo!” Seokmin called from the kitchen. “We’re out of chips!”

“Fuck…” He muttered, shaking his head and jogging towards the chip catastrophe. “Who ate all of them already? There were five bags! Was it Hansol? I bet it was, that little asshole. Little prick always has the _worst_ fucking munchies.”

While the party continued around her, she could feel panic rapidly rising in her chest. Mingyu left their apartment, her bed, at the crack of dawn to go get—to get another woman. One that he had never openly or intentionally mentioned to her, one she only knew because she had spoken to her briefly on the phone. Maybe it wasn’t panic she was feeling, but jealousy. Or perhaps it was a toxic mix of both.

“Did I hear Wonwoo mention that Ami was coming?” Seungkwan, one of Mingyu’s old classmates, asked her in passing. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen her!”

Every time someone said her name her heart ached. “O-oh. Is she—is she a friend from school?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “She was the prettiest girl in our class. Everyone wanted to date her when we were growing up. Rich parents, great grades, she really had it all.”

“E-everyone wanted to date her?” She started without realizing. “Even—even Mingyu?”

Seungkwan scratched his chin in thought. “Actually, now that I think about it, he was the only one who was immune to her charms. And I think she even confessed to him at graduation but he turned her down. Funny how those things work out, isn’t it?”

For the first time in the past ten minutes, she was able to breathe normally.

“Well that’s—that’s too bad for her.” She offered as she attempted to hide her building happiness. “He’s a really great guy.”

“Oh, that’s right!” He exclaimed suddenly. “You two live together, don’t you?”

“We do.” She confirmed with pride. “He’s the best roommate a girl could ever ask for.”

He smiled honestly and motioned for her to follow him. “Well let me introduce you to Soonyoung and Junhui, I don’t think you’ve met them yet. And then let’s get a couple of drinks in you! All this talk about boring Mingyu and his boring love life is making me seriously thirsty.”

Turns out a little bit of alcohol was exactly what the doctor ordered. After a couple of mixed drinks, she was finally able to function normally again. She could put Mingyu and his odd behavior behind her, she could convince herself that things would turn around. She could be normal and enjoy the company of everyone and laugh until her sides hurt. It was a much-needed distraction, one she would’ve loved if it had lasted for just a bit longer. But even that came to an end.

“Ami! You made it!”

She stiffened subconsciously at the sound of the mystery woman’s name. Turning and looking towards the entryway, her heart stopped. There she was, there was Ami. Just as gorgeous as Seungkwan said. But that wasn’t why her heart stopped. Her heart stopped because she was standing there with Mingyu beside her, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. Something he had done a thousand times before with people who meant little to him. But she knew this time was different. Ami was different.

“Sorry for being so late.” Mingyu apologized, handing a bottle of soju to Wonwoo. “Her train was delayed and I figured this would help earn your forgiveness.”

“Dude, I can’t even see straight.” Wonwoo leveled with him, using Mingyu’s tall frame for support. “But thank you anyway, now that the couple of the hour is here the party can really get started!”

Her stomach sank like a rock.

_Couple?_

“You already told them?” Ami asked Mingyu with a pout. “We were supposed to tell them together!”

“Sorry, darling.” He mumbled, dipping down and planting a chaste kiss to her disgustingly perfect pink lips. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to this whole _we_ thing.”

Giggling, she shrugged off her jacket. “You better get used to it quickly, we’re getting married in August. Time’s ticking!”

_Married?_

“I don’t get it.” Seokmin sighed. “First his roommate and now Ami? How come all these attractive girls love hanging out with Mingyu and not me?”

Ami looked up at Mingyu in confusion. “You didn’t tell me that your roommate was a girl? Was that the girl who answered the phone that one time? You’re in big trouble mister! You told me that was your landlady!”

“Is there going to be a cat fight?” Junhui piped in, obviously blazed out of his mind. “I’d totally pay to see that.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Mingyu leveled with the excited crowd of young men. “There’s nothing to fight over and they’ll never meet anyway.”

“Dude, are you already high?” Soonyoung tilted his head in confusion. “Isn’t that your roommate over there?”

Suddenly, all eyes were on her. She was frozen in the spotlight that she wanted to run far away from. Mingyu’s eyes widened in shock when he realized that she had heard absolutely everything. Every secret he had tried to keep from her. His face contorted in pain, a pain that she wasn’t sure he had any right to feel. Pressing her lips together she offered him a smile. A smile that broke her heart into a million pieces.

“Yes, we’re roommates.” She concurred. “Probably not for much longer though. He’s moving on with his life and I think it’s about time I did the same.”

Mingyu didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move. He simply stared at her almost as if he wanted her to vanish.

“Well—it’s getting late and I’m pretty tired.” She bowed. “I’ll be leaving now, I hope you all have a great time.”

“Whaaaaat?” Wonwoo questioned, obviously more drunk than he should’ve been. “But they just got here! We gotta tell you the crazy story of Mingyu’s engagement! These crazy kids have been together for years now and they finally—”

“Wonwoo, for the love of God just shut your mouth.” Mingyu snarled. “Stop talking before I make you stop.”

He offered him a disgusted look. “Well, that’s just plain rude. I only wanted to tell a story.”

The smile she wore as her last defense didn’t waver as she grabbed her jacket. “You can tell it once I’m gone. Thanks for inviting me Wonwoo. It was—it’s a great party.”

“If you insist!” Wonwoo shrugged. “Thanks for the presents! Merry Chrysler!”

Nodding, she quietly crossed the room to the door and did her best to ignore Mingyu’s pitiful eyes.

“It was—it was nice to meet you!” Ami offered in some attempts to save the situation. “I was just kidding about the roommate thing. It’s—it’s not that big of a deal, you can stay—”

“Don’t worry about it, Ami.” She insisted. “Sometimes things just don’t age well. Mingyu and I haven’t been compatible as roommates for a while now. Isn’t that right?”

“Can I at least walk you out?” Mingyu pleaded, clearly wanting to talk to her in private. “It’s—it’s the least I can do.”

Looking up at him with tears in her eyes, she was still smiling. “You’ve done enough.”

The second that door closed behind her, the well finally broke. She cried all the way back to their apartment. For the half an hour it took for her to walk the busy streets she blatantly ignored the dozens of phone calls and text messages from the man who ripped out her heart. God she wished that Wonwoo was sober, she wished that she could talk to someone about this dirty secret she had been keeping for little more than a year. The wound was raw, more raw than she had ever been. Every time Mingyu’s gorgeous face appeared on her screen it felt like he was rubbing salt in her shredded soul. She just—she wanted to be left alone.

Once she got home, once she walked through that door and put the world behind her, she pressed her back against the one thing that separated her from her pain and slid to the floor. Tears spilled from her tired eyes and she silently cursed herself for being so completely foolish. She should’ve known that there was a reason why Mingyu had never told anyone the truth about their relationship, why they never talked about what they were. She was supposed to be kept a secret. A dirty little secret. He didn’t want her ruining the perfect life he was destined to live. Without her.

For the first time in her life, she was honestly and truly angry. She was angry at herself, angry at him, angry at Ami for being an unwilling participant, angry at Wonwoo for never seeing the truth, but her emotions didn’t care who was to blame. All she wanted to do was scream.

So that’s what she did.

She screamed.

She screamed herself hoarse.

She screamed until she was blue in the face.

She screamed until she couldn’t possibly scream anymore.

And then she screamed some more.

By the time she had gotten it all out of her system, when her tears had dried and the ache in her heart was left horribly numb, it was almost midnight. Mingyu still called almost every minute, he was stubborn, to say the least. But she had launched the small machine across the apartment long ago. She didn’t care how desperate he was, there was nothing he could say that would lessen the heartbreak she was still enduring. The pain he caused her was insurmountable. She needed space to think, space to heal.

Unfortunately, as his roommate, that was the one thing she couldn’t have.

“Are you—are you home?” She heard him ask the silence from the other room. “Please tell me that you’re here…”

She chuckled bitterly under her breath. “After everything you’ve done this isn’t much of a home anymore.”

“Look, I—I know it looks bad, and it is. But—I can explain.” Mingyu said through her door. “Please, let me—”

“Let you lie to me some more?” She interrupted. “Don’t bother. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I’m just your roommate. That’s all I’ve ever been.”

“You know you’re so much more than that.” He persisted, his voice cracking. “There’s no way you can honestly believe that I never—that I don’t love you. I—I never meant for this to happen, me and Ami—it’s complicated. I wanted to tell you about her but I—I didn’t know how…”

Just when she was sure that she didn’t have any tears left to shed, she surprised herself. “Maybe you could’ve started with _hey, I’m engaged to be married but do you wanna fuck anyway?_ That would’ve been great to know a year ago.”

“It’s not what you think!” He exclaimed, pounding his fist into either the door or the wall. “Please open the door so we can talk about this. _Please._ ”

“No.” She stated plainly. “You had your chance to talk to me for months and you never did. I’m not giving you any more chances.”

_Click._

When her door swung open and she saw him standing there, she didn’t expect anything less. “You just broke one of the most important rules of the apartment.”

“I’ll add it to the list of things I need to apologize for.” He sighed, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

“Be careful.” She warned. “That’s a pretty tall order. I don’t know if I’m going to believe anything you say since you’ve been lying to me for months. Maybe longer. Who knows.”

Eyeing her carefully, he crossed the room and sat at the end of her bed. “I only need ten minutes. After that you can scream at me, hit me, kick me out, whatever it takes for you to forgive me. I’ll endure it gladly.”

“Forgive you?” She scoffed in disbelief. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not. You really have a lot of guts if you think I’m going to even consider forgiving you. You can’t treat people like shit and expect them to just—get over it.”

“You’re right, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” He admitted. “But you deserve the truth, the truth I’ve been running from for years. Ami and I, we’re—we’ve—God, it’s complicated.”

“I don’t know what’s so complicated about it.” She shrugged. “You were looking for a bit of tail while Ami was out of town. Lucky me.”

As much as she wanted to ignore it, he genuinely looked hurt by her accusation. “You are so much more to me than that. So much more than Ami, I don’t even love her. I never have. Honestly, I doubt I ever will. Our parents set us up when we were in high school but they agreed that we wouldn’t have to make it official until after college. I’ve _never_ been with her. I’ve been dreading this moment my entire life!”

“So you’ve been engaged for the past year?” She offered bitterly. “You’re a year younger than Wonwoo and I right?”

“Technically.” He returned honestly. “But—I ran away. I hopped on a train and ran away to Seoul. I couldn’t marry her, I just couldn’t marry someone I don’t love.”

For some reason, all of this information was only making her angrier. “So instead of having this conversation with me, instead of being truthful _with me_. The woman you claim to love, you’ve been hiding and lying and not only that—you let me find out about your upcoming _wedding_ at a fucking _party!_ From the woman you’re getting _married to!_ Not even from your own mouth! Do you know how much that hurt? Do you know how much I’m _still_ hurting? Or have you only been thinking about yourself for months!”

“I’ve been selfish, I know.” He agreed, running his hands through his hair. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m just—I’m so sorry I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know. I’m sorry that I didn’t have the strength to tell you. That I was too busy enjoying this fantasy I conjured up, a perfect world where I woke up every day and saw your beautiful face. That I preferred pretending that Daegu and Ami and all this bullshit didn’t exist because—because if they didn’t then I—then—then we—”

“Don’t.” She interrupted, tears stinging her already tired eyes. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Haven’t you hurt me enough today?”

Looking up at her, she could tell that he was on the brink of tears. Mingyu’s heart was painfully honest, he didn’t experience any emotion halfway. She didn’t know what he was feeling exactly, whether it was sadness, fear, guilt, she didn’t care. Whatever he was feeling paled in comparison to the black hole he carved into her chest.

“I’m sorry…” He muttered. “I’m so sorry…”

She didn’t waver. “You’ve said that already.”

He let out a humorless laugh. “I have to keep saying it because—because just like you’ll never forgive me I’ll never forgive myself. How can I? You—you trusted me. You loved me so much that I forgot all about Ami, I forgot about her and that—that ended up hurting you in the end. I was so selfish that I didn’t care, I didn’t even think about telling you until she called for me the first time. I swear I wanted to tell you once it became real, I really did, but I—I—”

“You were afraid.” She finished for him. “But here’s the thing, Mingyu, you didn’t tell me. Not only that, I remember that night. That was the first time you said that you loved me, you knew we were over then and there. That was your goodbye even if you didn’t realize it.”

At that moment he finally fell apart, he finally looked as broken as she felt. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, tears streaked his cheeks, the look of a desperate man. But as much as she knew he deserved all of that and more, as much as she wanted to hate him with every fiber of her being, she couldn’t bear to see him like that. He had ruined her and she still cared about him. She still loved him. She was sure that she would always love him.

But this was goodbye.

“I think it’s time you moved out.” She told him quietly. “I don’t think Ami would approve of you living with your former secret lover while you’re getting ready for your wedding.”

He visibly flinched at that word. Wedding. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that he didn’t love Ami, that he was telling the truth and their marriage was something he intended to avoid. But it didn’t make a difference to her. He was still going to marry Amy and leave her behind regardless of his intentions.

“I really do love you.” He whispered. “Please—please don’t ever think that you were my second choice. This was the best year of my life and I’ll never forget the life we shared here.”

Smiling wistfully, she sighed. “Yeah. Me neither.”

_Eight Months Later_

She never intended to go to their wedding, but she found herself there nevertheless. When she received the wedding in the mail months ago she didn’t know what to think. At first, she was honestly sick to her stomach. Surely it was Ami’s idea, invite Mingyu’s old roommate, that’d be fun. She assumed that Mingyu never told her the truth, that would’ve ruined the perfect picture Ami was trying to paint. Which was why there wasn’t a real reason to reject the invitation since absolutely no one knew that she was in love with the groom.

So she decided to go.

At least Wonwoo was there, even if he was still in the dark about what happened between her and Mingyu. He had his suspicions, she was sure, he knew her far too well to have finished something so pivotal in her life. But he could probably sense that she didn’t want to talk about it. He at least wasn’t as oblivious as the rest of Mingyu’s friends. While they bickered like they always did she could easily ignore the fact that around any corner she could run into Mingyu. Luckily for both of them, she had a flask of whiskey in her purse and a bottle stashed in her car.

“I still can’t believe they wound up together.” Wonwoo groaned, taking a swig of beer. “He never even liked her in school, the bastard.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shit happens, Woo.”

“I wanted to marry Ami!” He continued to pout. “Well, me and every other guy in school. Not Mingyu though. He just wanted to live on a farm with a bunch of dogs. It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair.” She reminded him. “Wait—aren’t you the best man? Shouldn’t you be doing something, oh, I don’t know, productive?”

He cast her a suspicious glance. “I’ve been testing the quality of the beer, my job is very important.”

She eyed the half dozen empty bottles around her. “I’m sure you’ve tasted enough. If you keep drinking it there isn’t going to be any left for the guests.”

“That’s fine with me.” He smirked, cracking open another one. “Besides, who knows, this one could be poisoned and I might save the entire wedding procession with my sacrifice.”

“As if I’ve ever been so lucky.” She laughed. “I can’t even get rid of you when you’ve got actual shit to do.”

“Seungkwan’s taking care of pretty much everything.” He grinned. “Kid’s a real MVP. All I have to do is deliver my killer toast and dance with some hot bridesmaids.”

She scoffed and crossed her arms. “Typical Jeon Wonwoo. Useless.”

“I resent that!” He protested loudly. “Who was always there to smoke you up during college? Me. Who was holding your hair back while you puked? Me. Who brought you clothes after you streaked across campus? Me. And you have the audacity to call me useless.”

“You’re right, my bad.” She offered sarcastically, leaning back against a wall. “I totally forgot that you’re an expert of getting people out of the shit you got them into in the first place.”

He puffed his chest out with pride. “That I am. Thank you for recognizing my talents, they’re often overlooked.”

If she rolled her eyes any harder they would’ve rolled right out of her head.

Looking around at the people setting up, she checked her watch. “When’s this whole thing supposed to start anyway? You told me noon.”

“Oh, that was just for me.” He told her. “They don’t start the ceremony for another couple of hours.”

Her jaw hit the ground. “Hours? What the fuck! If I’d known that you had to be here stupid early I wouldn’t have asked you to drive me! I would’ve taken an uber!”

“That was your mistake, toots.” He snorted in amusement. “Should’ve thought about that ahead of time.”

Elbowing him sharply in the ribs, she started towards the bar. “You’re giving me a headache, I need a drink—”

His hand around her wrist stopped her dead in her tracks. She knew what he was going to say, what he was going to ask, and she felt her heart start to race in response. For some ungodly reason she didn’t want Wonwoo to know about what happened between her and Mingyu. She was embarrassed with herself, embarrassed with how she left her heart get ahead of her brain. That she let herself fall for someone that was never hers.

“Are you okay?” He asked plainly, his eyes softer than usual. “And don’t tell me that you’re just tired, something’s bothering you.”

She swallowed nervously. “It’s—it’s nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Stop.” He interrupted. “I’m not an idiot, okay? These past few months you’ve been different, way different. Honestly? I’m worried about you, ever since Mingyu moved out, you—”

“Wonwoo.” She clipped, eyes cast downwards towards her feet. “Just—don’t, okay? Not here, not now. I’m not—I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Maybe—maybe some other time.”

“Okay, then when?” He challenged. “Because I’ve been trying to have this conversation with you since the Christmas Party and you’ve been blowing me off.”

Nibbling on her lip, she sighed. “I—I don’t know. But definitely not today.”

“After the wedding?” He continued, obviously not letting it go. “Want to watch _To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before_ again and pig out on kettle corn?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “Alright, it’s a deal.”

When his grip on her loosened she slipped away feeling a bit guilty. It was hard, keeping things from Wonwoo. He was her best friend, he was always there for her, she just couldn’t admit her truth. Not yet.

Crossing the room she did her best to dodge and weave through the staff organizing the wedding. There weren’t a lot of them but they sure did move quickly. One false move and either a bouquet or a plate full of expensive cheeses would go tumbling to the floor. As much as she didn’t want to be there she wasn’t going to actively sabotage the event.

“Can I get a rum and coke?” She asked the bartender.

He nodded. “Pepsi okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She smiled politely. “Can you make that a double?”

“Coming right up.”

_Thank God for open bars._

After dropping a tip into his jar she took her drink and turned back to where Wonwoo was standing. Low and behold, Mingyu was there beside him chatting away. She was almost shocked to see him and she had no idea why. It was his wedding after all. It made perfect sense that he would want to go find Wonwoo at some point. That didn’t stop her from making a mad dash from the vestibule to a more secluded room where dozens of onlookers wouldn’t be able to see her meltdown.

_I shouldn’t have come here._ She chastised herself. _I really shouldn’t have come here._

It didn’t matter how much time passed since she last saw Mingyu or how much space she put between them, she knew that the love she had for him wouldn’t waver. The pain lessened over the few months they spent apart. The mere thought of him no longer reduced her into a hysterical puddle of tears. His name no longer rendered her entire body numb. It wasn’t much, but she never expected to get to that point in the first place.

Eventually she found a quiet room that wasn’t getting any traffic from the staff or wedding party. Surely once the festivities started there would be people crowded in every single corner of the church, she’d take whatever small reprieve she could get. She’d need to keep herself liquidated, calm, and far away from Mingyu if she was going to survive the night.

Unfortunately for her, Mingyu, and life, always seemed to have other plans.

“Hey.”

Turning back towards the door, she chuckled in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I really can’t get away from you, can I?”

He offered her a sad smile. “I mean—you’re at my wedding. You were bound to run into me sooner or later.”

“I would’ve preferred later.” She returned bluntly, downing half her drink. “Much later. When I have enough alcohol in my system to forget my own name.”

Closing the door, he sighed. “You shouldn’t have come if drinking yourself into a coma was the only way to you through it.”

“Well next time tell your fiancée not to send me an invite.” She huffed.

“You could’ve rejected it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And in reality I really should’ve. Maybe I was hoping that if I saw you at the end of that aisle making googly eyes at the woman you love I’d be so ruined that I’d finally move on. Because being in love with a man you’ll never be with? That shit sucks. Zero out of ten would not recommend.”

“I know.” He agreed, taking several slow steps towards her. “You have no idea what I’d give to watch you walk down that aisle, to—”

“Stop.” She interrupted as she backed away. “Don’t—don’t start this right now. Don’t do this to me. You can’t—you can’t have both of us. That’s not how this works. You and I? We don’t get a happy ending. You know that.”

“But I don’t want her.” He persisted, closing the distance once more. “I only want you.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, she had to look away from him. “Well, how does it feel to want? It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“You have no idea.” He whispered dangerously. “You have _no idea_ how much it’s killing me to see you and know that I can’t hold you in my arms anymore. That I can’t kiss you, that I’ll never feel your heart beating against my chest, that every morning I’m going to wake up yearning for you and realizing that—”

“Stop it!” She shouted, tears spilling from her eyes. “Please just—just stop. You can’t do this to me. You made your bed, Mingyu. And now you have to lie in it with little Kim Ami. That’s how this is going to end. There is no happily ever after for you and me, at least not together. I mean—it’s not like we were ever together to begin with.”

“I know.” He admitted quietly. “And I’m going to have to live with that fact for the rest of my life.”

Watching him leave the room left her hurting in more ways than one. She missed Mingyu so much, she missed him with every part of her. She missed his smile, his laugh, she missed talking to him about her day and trying out strange Delish recipes together. She missed feeling safe in his arms, she missed the love and affection he whispered against her skin. She missed how her heart always felt full when she was with him. She missed that she’d never be able to experience any of that ever again.

Eventually she made her way back to the bar after finishing off both her drink and the contents of her flask. She ignored how everyone stared at her, she didn’t care that everyone could tell that she had been crying. She just hoped that Wonwoo wouldn’t see her like that. All she really cared about was getting through the next few hours without throwing herself off the roof. Or, rose, confessing to a room full of people that she was madly in love with Kim Mingyu and exposing their secret to the world.

By the time the ceremony had started, she was more than a little drunk. Sitting in the pew she was sandwiched between Junhui and Minghao, listening to them transition fluidly between Chinese and Korean and pointedly ignoring how gorgeous Mingyu looked up at the altar. She knew that attending the wedding was quite possibly the biggest mistake of her 25 years of life but evidently she was a pro at poor decision making.

Once the doors opened and the harpist began playing, she stood like everyone else. She watched quietly as the bridesmaids entered one by one, slowly but surely making their way down the aisle with the groomsmen. As Wonwoo emerged she made sure to look away, she didn’t want him to see her and she didn’t want to see Ami walk down that aisle. She would be polite, that didn’t mean she was going to actively torture herself.

Why she foolishly decided to look at Mingyu—she’d never know.

He wasn’t looking at Ami, not at all. He was looking at her. _Directly_ at her. His gaze was intense, purposeful, like he was trying to tell her a secret in a room full of people. Thinking back to what she said to him earlier, _maybe I was hoping that if I saw you at the end of that aisle making googly eyes at the woman you love I’d be so ruined that I’d finally move on_ , she forgot how to breathe. He was supposed to be looking at Ami, not at her. But true to her word, he was looking at the woman he loved. While Ami made her way towards him, Mingyu didn’t break his line of sight. Even when it was obvious that he wasn’t looking at his bride to be, he only looked at her.

_I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry that I lied to you. I’m sorry that I’m the one who said goodbye when I should’ve held on. I’m sorry that I’m selfish. I’m sorry that you fell in love with me. I’m sorry that whenever you think of me you’ll only remember the pain. I’m sorry that I’m the one who hurt you. I’m sorry that I’m asking for forgiveness that I don’t deserve. I’m sorry that I love you. I’m sorry that I’m always going to love you. Because I will. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than I’ll ever love anyone else._

That’s what he was trying to say.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur. She didn’t hear the vows, the clapping, nothing. All she remembered was the look of disgust on his face when he leaned down to kiss his bride. She remembered Wonwoo looking at her with pain in his eyes. Everything else was insignificant, trivial, forgotten.

“Alright, everyone! Join us outside by the pavilion in half an hour for the reception!”

They never made it to the reception.

How she wound up pinned against a wall, Mingyu’s lips ravishing her neck, she honestly couldn’t recall. She didn’t care either. All she could focus on was his fingers expertly unzipping her dress, his rough hands caressing her deprived body. The fevered kisses he trailed from her lips all the way down to her navel and even further still. She shivered at his touch, she moaned as he unraveled her at the seams. When he picked her up and laid her down on the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt while he ravished her with his eyes, her mind went completely blank.

She knew it was wrong, she knew she should’ve put a stop to it, but this was their last farewell. After that night he would be lying in bed with Ami instead of her. So every gasp, every time her hips were lifted off the bed, she’d savor until the very last moment. This would be the last time he made her world spin on her heels, the last time he would make her see stars. This was the last time they could truly and openly be in love without fear. She would allow herself to be selfish for one night.

“I love you.” He whispered against her lips. “I wish it could be different. I wish—I wish it didn’t have to end like this. I wish I wasn’t the reason why we can never be together…”

Tears stinging the corners of her eyes, she held him close and she bore her heart to him for the last time.

“I love you, Mingyu.”

“I love you too…”

_Present_

“So how have you two been?” She offered politely, squeezing Wonwoo’s hand tighter than she meant to. “I don’t think we’ve seen either of you since the wedding!”

Mingyu almost flinched. “I know, and we’re sorry about that. Life gets in the way, you know?”

“But, we have some great news!” Ami blurted out suddenly, looking at Mingyu and seeming like she was going to burst.

She paused for effect.

“I’m pregnant!” She exclaimed loudly, clapping happily. “We’ve been trying for so long, I can’t believe we can finally start our family. It’s like a dream come true!”

“Congratulations!” She smiled. “I’m so happy for you guys, you’re going to make great parents.”

She did her best to ignore the sadness in Mingyu’s eyes.

“What about you two?” Ami prompted, obviously excited and obviously ignorant to the atmosphere around her. “Anything interesting happening?”

“Things are good, stable.” Wonwoo piped in. “We were thinking about having another kid, but we can barely handle Mina on a good day. I don’t know how we’re going to handle two.”

“I thought we agreed that together we can do anything.” She protested, leaning over and kissing him gently. “Have a little more faith in yourself.”

“Wait, back up for a second.” Ami interjected, her jaw on the floor. “You guys have a kid? How did we not know this?” She turned to Mingyu. “Did you know about this?”

Clearly as shocked as she was, Mingyu shook his head. “N-no. I—I didn’t.”

She smiled. “Sorry, it was really hush hush for a while. You should’ve seen Wonwoo when he found out, total emotional wreck. Proposed on the spot crying and sniveling the entire time.”

“Hey.” He protested, cheeks red with embarrassment. “It was a beautiful moment.”

Mingyu laughed quietly. “Sounds exactly like Woo to me.”

When Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at his former best friend she did her best to distract him.

“I know, it really was a true Woo moment.” She beamed with pride. “He’s been good to me. He’s sweet, caring, promised to take care of me and Mina even though we had been dating a few weeks. Well—dating would be a strong word. But the thought was there and I fell in love.”

Ami was visibly swooning. “That is so sweet, I always wondered how you two got together! The few times I hung out with you guys I thought you hated each other!”

She chuckled. “I know, Wonwoo and I have always had a weird relationship but I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier.”

“We’ve never been happier.” He countered, leaning in and kissing her on the cheek. “The feeling is mutual.”

Mingyu looked like he was struggling to come up with the right thing to say. “I—I see. I’m—I’m happy for you. For both of you.”

Except as he said it, he was only looking at her.

“Well, we’re happy for you too. Ami is very lucky to have you.” She smiled, unphased.

“I could say the same about Wonwoo.” He returned. “He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

“If I’m being perfectly honest—”

_“I know that I’m not the father but I don’t care. I’m not letting you go through this alone. I won’t let Mingyu’s selfishness ruin your life.”_

“—I’m the lucky one.”

 


End file.
